..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
