put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
