His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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