i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
