She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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