wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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