If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
