I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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