did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
