About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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