Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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