i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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