Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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