there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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