Where is the hickey?
Just cropdusted the office
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
