Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
