she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
