I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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