He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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