Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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