Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
