I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
