Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
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It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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