one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
