I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
