You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
