last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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