I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
