So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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