Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
