You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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