HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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