I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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