it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
