i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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