wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
