I wish my penis had an off switch
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
