He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
