They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently you make a good broom.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
