is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
