I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
