I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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