we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
