how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
