Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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