I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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