I think I died a long time ago.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
