dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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