She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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