I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
