I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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