He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
