I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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