Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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