He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
