so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
