We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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