sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Randomize
