i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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