The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
