the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
