SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
