Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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