I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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