Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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