In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
