just tell him i said nine months
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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