Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
