Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
