Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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