I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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