Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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