You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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